soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
