im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
