i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
