If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
