I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
