my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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