So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
