i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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