if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My sheets look like a crime scene.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
