Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
