i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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