seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
