He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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