Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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