Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
