She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
