how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
