How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
