I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
