My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
