I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
