So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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