Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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