My balls are so social today.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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