oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
