someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
