Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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