No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
