um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
