I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
