I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
