If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
