I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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