We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
