Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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