when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
