just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
