I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
