my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
