Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's official drugs can't kill me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
