Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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