i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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