when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
