At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Barsexuality is the new black.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
