If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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