Do you still have your period?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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