It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
