Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
