I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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