My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
