You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
