Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
