we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
