No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
