She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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