Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
if only i could text you this smell
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
